Something has been bugging me for a while now & I need to get this off my chest... I have to ask the CrossFit Community a very serious question...what in the Sam hell is up with the spandex pants and board shorts combo?? Seriously, what gives? I'm not mocking you (at least not yet), but I am curious as to where this "fashion" statement came from.
I'm an athlete, I have been an athlete my entire life...I have played in all types and levels of sports from pee-wees to Semipros. I am now a masters athlete in weightlifting and with all of the years that I have been involved in sports I cannot figure out this phenomenon for the life of me. I'm a type A personality so it's driving me crazy not knowing what the deal is with wearing spandex pants under your shorts. I don't get it, I have looked into the whole "compression technology" concept and after a metric crap ton of reading, I have to come to the conclusion that it is junk science. The majority of the people who own and regularly wear compression pants under their shorts to "wod" recieve no noticeable benefit/advantage from this pairing, I mean Zero...Nada...Zilch.
So why do it? Who said this was cool and the way things should now be done? Like the first person who made disco "cool" for a brief period in the seventies, this "spandex pants over shorts" person should be drawn and quartered. Now don't get your "Danny Terrio" panties in a bunch just yet, remember this is just my opinion. But come on...have you seen yourself in that ridiculous outfit?
Let me tell you a little story about a similar silly trend. A long time ago I too was a "CrossFitter" and I was just as ramped up about everything CrossFit as you are. All I spoke about was CrossFit and I tied every conversation to the the wondrous benefits of all things CrossFit. I came into the gym one day to find a fellow "brother of sweat" sporting a new type of footwear...vibrim five fingers. I. was. blown. away. I really was...I stared in amazement as he breezed through the wod, the five fingers seemed to give him a new found grace, speed and strength and I wanted some...badly.
Now, in retrospect, his speed and strength came from the years of him working his ass off in the gym to get stronger and faster, but at the time I was convinced it was the shoes. They were all I could think about. I researched them online like they where a possible cure for cancer. I couldn't wait to get my own pair and I price matched every web site known to man that offered these "golden shoes of Hermes." There was just one problem...sizing. How the hell did they come up with this complex system of: algorithm-Chinese math-Klingon alphabet for sizing these shoes??
I searched far and wide and finally found some obscure store two hours from my house that promised to carry them. I called and quickly learned it would have to be a leap of faith because the store had no English speaking representatives employed apparently. I finally made it to the store and as luck would have it, they DID have these shoes in stock and I didn't even care that they were 2-3 times more than the cost of regular tennis shoes. I would not be stopped!!
I spent the next 30 plus minutes trying to wedge these things onto my feet. When it was all over I felt like I had snapped off a few toes and had been beaten by a street gang for a few hours. I was wiped out by the ungodly fight these things put up.
The little old Chinese couple must of laughed for days & days at the sight of me almost killing myself to get these damn things on my feet. If the pain hadn't been so excruciating I would've laughed too, but pain and suffering was to great to muster a smile let alone a laugh. Even so, I purchased these shoes sure that they would somehow make me a better CrossFitter! I would most certainly RX and PR all of my workouts from here on out!
I got home and I couldn't wait to model these new gifts from God to my wife...ten minutes later when she finally stopped laughing long enough to breathe, she told me that I looked ridiculous and that I was never allowed to wear those in public with her...ever. I felt betrayed and angry at her...she had no idea just how "cool" these really were and what they could do for my performance.
I experienced a similar reaction with everyone that saw them...except for CrossFitters. I was laughed at and mocked for wearing "gorilla feet". I was willing to take the abuse because they mocked me out of ignorance and jealousy or so I thought. I went through my 30 minute "pain dance" every day before the wod started and I wore that pain like a badge of honor. I was part of a "cool" culture that knew something no one else seemed to know, and then I tried to run in them for laps.
I started out fine, and then all of the sudden I felt a snap in the Achilles tendon area of my calf & that brought me down like a deer just hit by a deer slug on opening day. I was in incredible pain, but I didn't blame the shoes...at first. It had to be the concrete or my running form or anything else besides my awesome new shoes. I tried a few more times but ultimately I was defeated that day. As I was peeling these shoes off my mangled feet before I hobbled back to my car sure that I just snapped a ligament, it dawned on me. I found out the hard way that you cant run in those things. Slowly I began to realize that the pain wasnt worth it to me just to look cool.
I switched back to my Nike Free's and I began to notice that everyone that was bitten by the "Vibrim Five Fingers" bug was also going back to more conventional foot wear. And just like that, the fad was gone.
You see, I thought that something that looked cool would benefit me "functionally" without first thinking it through. If I had used logic instead of envy to make my decision, I would have spared myself enormous amounts of ridicule and pain as well as a potential career ending injury. I choose fashion over function and I was punished for my stupidity. I think thats kind of whats happening to the current CrossFit community with this "spandex pants under shorts" look.
Luckily for you, it just looks like a ridiculous kind of a throw back to the Jane Fonda era of the eighties. It could be worse, it's not like you go shirtless with the pants/shorts combo or wear only reebok shoes and rogue t-shirts making yourself look like an elitest tool bag or something. oh wait, nevermind. Calm down, I'm just kidding, don't get your CrossFit panties in a bunch! But seriously, look in the mirror and try not to laugh.
